Center of the Universe

I've made a few new friends lately. Each offers something uniquely themselves, and I'm finding all the discoveries to be exciting and very interesting. One friend and I were talking about our different unattractive qualities. This friend (perhaps in the vein of Dr. Seuss I will call them friend 1 and friend 2...except there are more than 2 and what if friend 2 feels bad that she isn't friend 1??? LOL) mentioned a need to be the center for someone. She needed to be that someone so very special that they are the only one in that particular category. My friend acknowledged that she will not feel fulfilled until she is that center for someone. I just at that moment had the realization that I have always had that need deep in my core. It has almost obsessively driven the nature of my friendships. I will "examine you" till I see the area where you need and will then jump through hoops to show you how I am that person. Then, perhaps you will never leave me. Yet ironically while I have recognized that unattractive quality, I have only just realized that I am exactly that. I am that center for two people, and yet it is not enough. I am not happy or at peace or satisfied. I cannot receive the water that is right there though I am dying of thirst. And I wonder why. I wonder that if I am ever whole as God intended will I realize that I took a cup of water that would have satisfied, and dumped it out in the sand?? God be with me. I need a drink.