Gay Pride and Individuation

OK, this blog was on a site I never got around to maintaining, but I don't want to forget what I've been thinking on it so I'm transfering it here. I've been thinking about the whole gay pride thing. My stepdaughter and I were talking the other day. She laughed at some point in the conversation and said if she took me downtown on gay pride day in my jeans, tank top and bandana that she'd have to fight them off with a stick. I thanked her for the complement but said the whole gay pride deal turned me off. She wanted to know why, and it took me a while to figure out my answer.

In the end I decided it was something akin to teenagers as they individuate. There is a point where teenagers begin to try and figure out who they are and what they stand for. In come the tatoos and piercings, the loud "music", confrontational t-shirts and conversations...all the things that turn off the adults around them. Someday they will have settled into who they are with confidence and will not need to display it out there in your face, but for the time being no one but another teenager can stand to be around them. I think the harder their life growing up the harder they push back. Also the harder childhood was the less they have an internal sense of who they are, thus they seek harder the external validation of the world, while at the same time raging against it in self-protection against rejection and judgement. But to communicate with the rest of society; to be heard; even to find their place, they one day need to stop pushing so hard.

I guess I see in the gay pride movement something akin to the individuating teenager coming out of a hard childhood. The hurts are many and deep, the fear of rejection and judgement great, the internal sense of validation less than needed and so the movement is obnoxiously out there in your face. Someday though I think it needs to step into maturity. That doesn't mean "fitting in and being like everyone else." It means not being obnoxious and angry.

And that maturity will only come with healing. And that healing lies in the love of God actually finally reaching out through the church rather than judgement, condemnation and rejection. Love is the only healer.

All scripture is God breathed

A verse from 2 Timothy has been on my mind this last week. A friend surprisingly made reference to the same verse in a recent email to me, and so I decided to post on what I've been thinking. I've begun to see the possibility of a different meaning to "all scripture is God breathed," beyond the interpretation that all scripture comes literally from the mouth of God as his words/breath.

God breathed into the clay. He breathed into the animals. That breath was spirit and life not literal words. It was truth. All scripture has truth, love, permeating it. I have never believed Gen 1-11 was literal. (part of my evolution/creationism journey...another story). It is beautiful and deep timeless poetry and story.

I think the greatest truths are held and passed down through story. It involves the creative right side of the brain. God is creation. Creation is love. I do not think it was by chance that Jesus taught truth in story. Story is not literal but it is timeless and it is truth. Reading the bible as a literal cookbook recipe robs much of the depth and passion..and breath..I believe God intended.

When we share our testimonies, we share them as stories and they are breathed by the Spirit as much as Paul's words were. I think Paul's words were exactly that...his words. His; but breathed by God. In my testimony some of my life and hurts color my delivery and my understanding at that moment, but it does not take away from the breath of the spirit blowing through the story that God is using to touch and awaken you. So to with the epistles of Paul, Peter, James, John... Only the parables of Christ were without "coloring" and were pure breath, because only Christ was one with his Father while still here on earth. Perhaps some, like the Pharisees who needed the external structure of the law and feared the "freedom" o fthe Spirit, need the external strucutre of the bible as literal because the alternative is uncomfortable.

Center of the Universe

I've made a few new friends lately. Each offers something uniquely themselves, and I'm finding all the discoveries to be exciting and very interesting. One friend and I were talking about our different unattractive qualities. This friend (perhaps in the vein of Dr. Seuss I will call them friend 1 and friend 2...except there are more than 2 and what if friend 2 feels bad that she isn't friend 1??? LOL) mentioned a need to be the center for someone. She needed to be that someone so very special that they are the only one in that particular category. My friend acknowledged that she will not feel fulfilled until she is that center for someone. I just at that moment had the realization that I have always had that need deep in my core. It has almost obsessively driven the nature of my friendships. I will "examine you" till I see the area where you need and will then jump through hoops to show you how I am that person. Then, perhaps you will never leave me. Yet ironically while I have recognized that unattractive quality, I have only just realized that I am exactly that. I am that center for two people, and yet it is not enough. I am not happy or at peace or satisfied. I cannot receive the water that is right there though I am dying of thirst. And I wonder why. I wonder that if I am ever whole as God intended will I realize that I took a cup of water that would have satisfied, and dumped it out in the sand?? God be with me. I need a drink.

Sad Smiles

I miss you today.